Annual Report

I am cynical and most years end on a crappy note for me. The year always feels like it went too fast and nothing much was done. But evaluation is required nonetheless. One has to see how the year was and maybe chalk out a plan for the future. And so it must be with blogs.

Overview

2012 was the year of experiments. A new interface, a different name and newer ways of publicity kept the blog alive and buzzing. However, the year recorded the least number of posts since its conception and that too without any majestic surge in the quality of writing. While there is no correlation/causation to say that the experiments caused the decline, readers have been rumoured to suggest otherwise. Another theory doing the rounds is that the author has become a corporate monkey and has lesser and lesser time for his other half of the brain. What is instead surprising is that the readership saw an increase. From 2 regular readers and 1 forced reader, the blog now has 3 regular readers, 1 forced reader and 1 accidental reader. The newer ways of publicity (facebook, twitter, word of mouth etc.) have also brought in casual readers and some of them have managed to leave a mark. All in all, 2012 just managed to pass the benchmark. The increased readership seems to have motivated the author to write more, and those are our expectations for 2013 - an increased readership leading to increased writing. 

Causes for Decline 

The most prominent aspect of 2012 has been the sheer dearth of blog posts by the author. 10 in Thesaurus and 3 in Jibber Jabber is an abysmal number, best suited to fashionable bloggers. This makes us curiouser and curiouser as to what caused the declined. While it is tempting to believe that the occupation of the blogger diverted his attention, the blog actually has seen regular posts since the employment (July to December constitutes 60% of total posts in Thesaurus and 67% for Jibber Jabber). Therefore, the lack seems to be in the first quarter of the year. See the following chart to understand better (both blogs included) :

A close source to the author described the first quarter as extremely busy and confusing for the author. Faced with life-changing decisions and an impossible schedule, the author really had no time to breathe. In a particular week the author was seen juggling college interviews, organising debate competitions and debate training in a different city. June which marked the end of final year exams saw the maximum posts, thanks to the availability of time and joblessness. Therefore, the key reason seems to be the lack of time or rather a free mind to think out blog posts.

Regardless of that, there were somethings the author missed and must not be forgiven for. In Jibber Jabber, the readers were waiting for posts on FDI, Palestine, Delhi Gangrape, Gujrat Elections etc. but were left completely disappointed. Instead, they got a summary of tweets in a particular post in October. Thesaurus was filled with sermons and guides to living a beautiful life. There was a complete lack of fiction and storytelling. The last piece of poetry we read was in August 2011.  If the readership is to be maintained, there has to be a resurrection of poetry and fiction. That is our key takeaway for 2013.

The New Stuff

While the new interface seems extremely appealing at first glance, especially the hidden message in the backdrop, it hasn't delivered the magic that was expected. In a world of mobile internet and email alerts, the author expected that the readers would take out time to change the views of the blog from the dynamic view option. Someone should tell him that he isn't the only one facing a lack of time. The mobile website was fixed only in the latter half of the year, before which the dynamic view would take decades to load. On the other hand, Jibber Jabber being an issue based blog has the right theme to it. Plain and to the point.

We like the new name and our pleased with the change, but are still inquisitive about its origins. Till then, we would recommend a dictionary/thesaurus widget to go with the new name.

Undoubtedly, the sliver lining of the year was the rise in readers. We got in touch with a recent reader and they surprisingly remembered a particular post from 2011 and were able to relate it to the real life events of the author. That alone shows the effect the writing has on people (or the author's complete lack of inspiration). Another recent reader is rumoured to discuss every post with the author after it has been published. This report would be incomplete without mentioning the two loyal readers of this blog, who have stuck around because of the sheer brilliance of the writing (or their love for the author). We must congratulate the author of that.

The Other Stuff

Our analytics team tells us that yet again, the most popular post (in terms of page hits) was A Tide In The Affairs Of Men. The connection between the post and OTH has quenched the thirst of many Googlers and OTH fans.

In terms of qualitative liking, "Information value" was the best post of 2012 because of its innovative nature. Followed closely by it is "Godspeed" - we understood 'nothing' but it seems like intelligent stuff.

The song dedications in 2012 are beautiful and we are very impressed with the kind of music the author has been listening to. Each track has its own flow and flavour. If there is one thing that the author should never let go, no matter how many changes the blog goes through, is the song dedications.

In all this, one should not forget the half hearted attempt of the author to reply to comments. When this went to press, there was still a comment in a December post that had not been replied to. This has to change in 2013.

Speaking of comments, the highlight of 2012 was a comment war on a post on Jibber Jabber. Reports suggest that just right now there was a reply by Anonymous on that post. Though its sad that the war was not about the content, we are happy that it's getting some attention.

What next?

Just write, Rohan. Don't be scared. Be patient with the annoying people. Anything you write has a flip side to it. And you will always reach dead-ends. And you will mostly be disappointed. But just keep writing. Sad stuff. Sermon Stuff. Fiction Stuff. Anything. Just write. Because that is a huge part of you. Not the whole of you. But a lot of you. There are so many parts of us - the part we think we are, the part we show to other people, the part we want to be and many others. But this maybe the real you. Just write.

We were able to get a comment from the author when we told him we were running this report. He doesn't know the contents yet, but this is what he had to say :

"Thank you so much for doing this. It feels great that you are helping the blog out. Be kind in what you write.  I just have one thing to say. It's something I heard through a TV show. There was once a man who was building a beautiful home for his wife and kids. A home in which they were always happy and would never have to leave. But it wasn't actually a home, it was a cage. I hope neither the blog nor me, are in a cage that we have built for each other."

We totally agree with that comment. Whatever it means, we understand.

And that's it from our side. We hope that you find this report very useful. Do share your comments and feedback.

To Rohan Chawla, Chotashakespeare, Thesaurus, Corporate Monkey, Chawla, Roaaan and other names that you have for the author.

Song : 
23 by Jimmy Eat World
A Satisfied Mind by Jeff Buckley
Come Talk to Me by Bon Iver

Warm and Fuzzy

The other day I bought a copy of "A Thousand Splendid Suns" from Daryaganj and since then one particular thought has been stuck in my head. What if our sky was filled with ten thousand suns. I know we'd die, but it would be incredibly beautiful.

I remember Jayaji saying that the scriptures describe Brahman as that - the light of ten thousand suns. And when I did a quick Google search, I found out that there is also a book called that!

Sometimes I intentionally stare into the sun, even though I know I shouldn't because it'll hurt my eyes. But I do it anyway. It feels like you're fighting something powerful, something strong. Maybe even majestic. Of course, the sun always wins.

I also remember hearing a song called "The Boy who trapped the Sun" . While the song is just about okay, it makes me think of a beautiful picture. A small boy with a little brown sack/bag who tricks the sun and captures it in his bag. Makes for a good fairy-tale, y'know.

If the Sun was a person, what would it be like? Something tells me it'll be like a grandfather - old and tired but still young at heart. I am also repulsed by the idea that they call the sun a star. Stars are meant for making wishes, for being temporary homes for people who have left the earth and stuff that makes wonderful rhymes. Fluffy stuff. The sun on the other hand, is well the sun.

That might make the sun unhappy. What if he (or she?) wants to be the temporary home for dead people, the locker of our hopes and dreams and wants to well - twinkle. It's unfair for us to hold him to these standards, won't you agree?

Imagine. Ten thousand suns in the sky. It would be beautiful.

To Jonathan Safran Foer, for giving wings to my imagination.

Song : Hard Sun by Eddie Vedder

Information Value

Song : Married Life from the movie Up!

(From here on "want" and "will" have been used interchangeably. Also, answers can be given in a logically inconsistent manner ie: you can get divorced w/o getting married, you can think about corporal punishment even if you don't have kids etc.)

Ask Yourself :

1. About Progeny

• Do you want to have kids?
• Would you be okay with any gender / any disability / whatever God gives you?
• Have you ever thought of what you'll call 'em?
•  Do you expect them to take care of you when you are old and aging?
• Will you use corporal punishment?
• Will you do their homework and clean their diapers?
• Do you think children are overrated?

2. About Love

• Do you think you know what Love means?
• Have you ever been in Love?
• Do you think Love happens only once? Have you fallen in love multiple times?
• Do you think you will ever fall in Love?
• Will you marry?
• Will you get divorced?
• Do you think Love is overrated?

3. About Life 

• Do you think Life has a purpose?
• Do you know that purpose?
• Will you commit suicide?
• If in deep pain, will you agree to voluntary euthanasia?
• If in deep pain, will you agree to euthanise your parents/grandparents? (Assume that you have never had a conversation with them regarding this and that you don't have their consent)
• Will you take care of your parents when they are old and aging? Will you clean their diapers?
• Do you think "to have never been born is the greatest boon of all" ?

4. About Sex

• Do you think you'll cheat on your partner?
• Are you okay with Friends with Benefits?
• Are you okay if your friends with benefit is friends with benefit with someone else? (assume if you are and aren't friends with benefit with someone other than him/her)
• Are you more likely to be okay if a man had more friends with benefits than a woman?
• Will you ever pay for sex?
• Will you ever provide sexual services for a fee?
• Do you think Sex is overrated?

5. About God

• Do you believe in God / Powerful entity / Soul?
• Do you think God is fair?
• Do you think God is rational?
• Do you think God is not angry at atheists?
• Do you believe in Karma?
• Do you believe in Afterlife?
• Do you think Religion is important?
• Do you think God is overrated?

6. About Yourself

• Do you think you'll ever kill someone?
• Will you lie (not white lie) in a court of law if you had to save a family member / very very close friend?
• If terribly hungry and malnourished, will you steal food?
• Do you think you're a good person?
• Are you scared of death?
• Are you afraid that no one will remember you after you're long gone?
• Do you think you give yourself less credit than you deserve?
• Do you think you give yourself more credit than you deserve?

Does all this matter?

I was trying to find a way if one can create a time capsule with the answers to these questions. And maybe years later you can answer these questions again and see how you've changed. Would be an interesting thing, I think. Well I've created mine and you can see it here : Time Capsule

Do answer them. You don't have to share. Just answer them and hide it in your email/drawer/docs/blog. And years later revisit it.

To Russell. So young and full of promise.

Boys Keep Swinging

This post has a fictional prologue, which you may want to read here : http://rohan-chawla.blogspot.in/2012/11/from-me-to-you.html?m=1

Apologies first for making you travel between blogs. This is the first time I have made an inter-blog connection. But the reason is simple. The post had two distinct parts - the fictional and the critical, and it would've been exceptionally long if it were clubbed into one.

Now for my thoughts. I don't know if you noticed, but that love filled letter was from Carol to Susan (No originality, I know). It was between a homosexual couple. The reason why I wrote that was because I felt that there is something wrong in the way we perceive the world. I don't know if it is just me, but if I read a love letter that was addressed to Susan, I would think automatically that her lover is a guy and its his wonderful words that are written there.

Disclaimer : Please note that this post has been written under the premise that homosexuality is okay and acceptable. If you have an issue with that, this is not the post you are looking for.

So many times I have been asked, if I have a girl-friend. I don't have a problem with that question, because my life is an open blog, which a few people read. But my problem is that you completely ignore the possibility of me being a homosexual. You would now say, that sometimes people ask the wrong question (they might ask you what your parents do, but what if you are an orphan); so this whole thing is just making a mountain out of a molehill. The issue is not of the wrong question. You assumed that I had a partner, that's fine. But after that you made a second assumption. The more accepted one - that my partner is a woman.

But the bias is worse in certain cases. While the former mistake is made under the assumption that you are straight (and not "crooked"?), sometimes you're assumed to be gay. And that assumption is based on your voice (shriek-y or hoarse), the way you dress (colourful or plain), what you decide to talk about (gossip or politics), your nature (kind or indifferent) and what you like to do (blog or wrestle). There are no behavioural characteristics of being a homosexual. Neil Harris from How I Met Your Mother is homosexual. Jane Lynch from Glee is homosexual. Faces don't have homo written on them.

But the worst bias comes when you stand up for homosexual rights. If you support gay rights, then you are definitely gay. If you are homophobic, then you are a closet homosexual. Heads you win, Tails you win. Some of us after reading this post, will think at least once if the author is a homosexual or not? That's probably the greatest reason why heterosexuals don't fully support homosexuals; they don't want to be thought of as homosexual, as if they are one of "them".

And that is the real tragedy. That somehow being gay is something to be ashamed of. That if someone thought you were gay, it was in someway a bad thing. Like it was an insult thrown at you. Something that you had to defend and clear up for. That being homosexual was just not acceptable. All this, despite the fact that you're well read, that homosexuality is no longer a crime and that more and more people around you are coming out of the closet.

I think I need to calm down. So here is the peaceful part of me. Times are changing and we need to pause for a while, and think how we see this world. Do we see it from our eyes, from our parents eyes, from the society's eyes? Why do we judge people and what criteria do we use? Are we fair in our approach? Do we just say things in jest but believe them sub-consciously?

When you see someone who is different - by race, by gender, by built, by sexuality, by name, by thoughts, by speech, by faith - do you get repulsed? Do you change in someway? And, is that change for the better? Is it the right thing to do?

Are we one people deserving one treatment?

Since my life is an open blog, I'll start the answering. I'm not too sure how liberal I am to people's choices, but I believe that people are indeed not very smart but they aren't always sheep either. They have reasons for what they do, even if it takes them time to find those reasons. And I think I am no one to question them, as long as they have a reason. Think before you act.

We are one people. I hope we can give ourselves one treatment.

Thank you for listening.

Here listen to this wonderful song and cheer up (first time on Jibber Jabber) : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWzeInQaUk4

Thank you Bowie for the wonderful title.

From Me to You

Dear Susan,

I am not a fan of letter writing, but there just seems to be some magic in letters. I think it is the delay that seems mesmerizing; that the letter was written in the past by someone you love and that you are receiving it now, in the present. It is like revisiting memories in someway, just that the memory you are reliving is actually just happening right now. That's what letters do - they force you to appreciate the differences in time and distance.

Though, I really don't know if that's what I intend. I just wanted to express my love to you. Yes, we live in the same house, share the same room and practically discuss everything, but I rarely get a chance to tell you how much I love you. Perhaps that's also what letters do, give us a chance to say something we have always wanted to; all with an element of surprise.

I don't know where to start. Perhaps, the beginning is the best start - when we first met. It was your infinite kindness that attracted me. The way your heart was open to everyone, with no speck of hatred or bias. To you everyone was equal and was worth your love and time. I am glad that years later, nothing has changed. You still see the same essence in everyone.

People who have wonderful hearts tend to be awarded frugally in grey matter. But the Creator has been exceptionally generous with you. I haven't met anyone who is as sorted as you are. And that has changed me too. You pulled me from being a dull and slow sloth to a vibrating person seeking more and more knowledge. I am no Shakespeare, but even if I were, no sonnets would capture my love for you and no summer days would match your shine.

But it isn't just the fluffy stuff. The sex is awesome. Your body is my wonderland. The way you walk, the way you do your hair, your eyes and that naughty tongue you got - all great. They say it doesn't matter how beautiful you are from the outside, but you don't have to worry about that - you're a damsel anyway.

Around you, I don't have to worry about anything. I can be whoever I want and I can ask whatever I want without any fear. In this pretentious world, to have someone like you is a blessing and I am truly grateful and also indebted. With you, there are no masks I have to keep in a jar by the door. I trust you.

Life is unpredictable and we don't know what lies in the future. But I am glad we have each other. You've been there for me whenever I needed something and even when I didn't, and I promise that I will always be there for you. In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as sorrow.

I love you.That's all I have to say. 

I love you.

Always and Forever,

Carol


PS : This post has an epilogue, which can be read here :  http://rohan-chawla.blogspot.in/2012/11/boys-keep-swinging.html


Song : Chaudvi ka Chand - Mohd. Rafi
           Isharon Isharon Mein - Mohd. Rafi and Asha Bhosle

Also apologies if the letter is crapy. I have never written love letters.

The greatest problem of the world..

What is the biggest and most important problem of the world? What is the deepest and most disturbing issue, one that requires immediate action and everyone's attention and effort? But that's a loaded question. The real question should be - can there be a single major problem of the world?

For economists, one would remark that the greatest problem would be that of the current global financial/economic crisis and maybe somewhere about resource allocation and efficiency. After all, money runs the world today.

For geographers, the problem would be that of climate change and the way the earth's complex system is changing. From melting ice caps, to changed current directions and hotter summers and colder winters, in 2050.

For the theological, the problem would be of religious conflict and tensions in the name of God. Be it Jerusalem, Kashmir or the increased hatred towards Islam, religion today is no longer a simple path to God.

For the doctors, the greatest trouble is that of cancer, AIDS and other terrible terrible diseases that plague our home today. Finding a cost efficient and sustainable cure for these evils, and making sure they reach everyone that matters, is their top priority.

For the politicians, the worry is that we no longer participate in the political process. That the citizenry is not involved and no longer bothers to care about who rules them and how they rule. They must be motivated. Somehow.

For the academicians, its a matter of deep concern that there aren't enough schools and places for us to study. We can't read and write, and therefore are unable to think rationally. An education gives you wings.

For the philosophers, the question is more subtle. Are we fulfilling the purpose of life? Loaded question again. Does life have a purpose? Is there life beyond death? Is suicide okay? All these problems are relevant only if life is relevant. Must find the relevance of life.

For the activists, the problem is of equality and justice. That men and women, homos and hetros, human and animals, animals and plants, black and white etc. should all be treated equally. Not just physically, but in movies, in literature, in posters, in cartoons and all manifestations of this world.

For the minimalists, the problem is of food and water. That not all of us get enough good quality food and even when we do, there isn't good enough water to digest it. We must do something about these brothers and sisters of ours. Some Ghana Coco and Brazilian Soya?

For the douchebags, the problem is that we have so many problems that we are unable to resolve. Must be such a shock to know.

So, we now have a bunch of problems. How do we know which one of them is the single greatest? What yardstick should we judge them by? What characteristics would the single greatest problem of the world have? If and when it is solved, it should bring maximum relief. But what kind of maximum relief? Quantitative or Qualitative? Or a Weighted relief? Maybe, it should also have an element of urgency. So our factors are Time, Reach and Utility. Anything else?

No, the greatest problem is not that we cannot find the greatest problem.

That done. Think of the greatest problem of the world and measure it by those three factors. And see if you can find a single great problem of the world.

I am still thinking.  

Hermits

This floor of the building was unknown to him and so he tread very carefully. It was somewhat dark, or even if there was light, everything seemed fuzzy. He felt a great sense of uneasiness, a feeling that he shouldn't move forward. But he also felt that he wasn't in control; that it wasn't him who was walking, but someone else. Yet he was the one who felt the movement. And suddenly he felt as if he was falling down a flight of stairs or perhaps falling off a floor or maybe just a great fall down a rabbit hole.

But he had made no such fall. He woke up with a sign of disgust and annoyance. He said to himself - "Yaar, yeh wali feeling kyun hoti hai? (why does this happen?)" He knew he wasn't the only one in the world experiencing it. People dream of worse things - dinosaurs, terrorists and what have you. But this free fall gave him a really bad headache; one that wouldn't let him sleep any further. He hated this feeling.

He drudgingly woke up and did his morning business. What a crappy start. He ate his breakfast, charged his electric devices, packed his lunch and blah and blah and blah. While he was walking to the nearest bus stop to catch a bus (duh!), he put on his earphones and started listening to the music on his music player. Then he said to himself, maybe I should listen to the radio today. The radio is full of surprises and you never know what's coming your way. But the quality and choice is much better on the music player.

And while this was going on, he thought to himself - Hey! Am I talking to myself? Is my mouth opening and closing and my face animating or is all this music business in my head? Are people thinking that I am talking to myself? Although, all this talk about talking to himself was definitely in his head. Actually, that's what pissed him off most - whenever he tried to figure out if he talked to himself, his mind would trick him and make sure everything henceforth was in his mind. Damn it! No way to ever find out. He eventually selected the radio.

And while he waited for the bus, he felt a weird sensation down there. Droplets of toxic waste were hinting their arrival. He found it prudent to take a piss before he boarded the bus. So he walked to the nearest public toilet. He stood in front of the urinal, looked down (Mens' Loo Golden Rule : You don't look at mine, I don't look at yours. We are not interested) and there was nothing. No toxic waste, no droplets and certainly no piss. He prayed to God, made the shhhhh sound and applied all his mental energy, but nothing came out.

He then came out, only to see that his bus had left.

And then he actually said to himself, "Koi naa. Bus hi toh thi. Sussu nikal jata toh!"

He smiled and carried on with his day.


To Apurv Sathe. Bruh-der!

Song : Iss Dil Ka Kya Karoon -- Burfi 

P.S. : This is just the morning. Your (and my) life has many more of these ridiculous, annoying and 'I will not share with others' moments. Don't deny them. Don't discard them. Enjoy! There is so much beauty and fun in all of us. And in everything we do. Mazze karo!

Like me, over here :

Godspeed

This is why they never let me speak at annual functions :

"When I came to college, I didn't know why college was important. It was the next logical step. I worked really hard in my school leaving exams, so that I could study at a good college; but why must I go to college was still unknown. 3 years later, I am still unsure if college is necessary; but I am glad that I went to college.

"For most of us, we have broadly two paths ahead. Some of us will study more so that we can work later and some of us will work a little so that we can study later. But at the end of this business, we'll all be working, married, blessed with children, ungrateful for what we have and cursing that which we don't. But most of all, we'll all be dead. And that fear will drive us crazy, forcing ourselves to question - Have I made it large? Does my life matter?

"And we will measure that by the wealth we have accumulated, the fame of our works, the beauty of our love interests and the power we command. All compared to our dearest school friends, who we haven't spoken to in years, our colleagues who we meet everyday and our relatives who we promise to stand by.

"Yet. None of this will make us happy. We will still continue to be miserable - perhaps lesser, maybe more. But what will make us happy? Many bestselling authors have remarked that happiness lies in doing what you want to do. Fantastic. What is that you want to do? Your heart will guide you. It will be your true calling. You will know.

"Does that help you? Because it sure as hell didn't help me. I believe that you will never know what will make you happy. You see, happiness for most of us is a post-action feeling; so unless the act has happened, we will never know if the act will actually bring happiness. So how can one say that 'this' will bring happiness, when the quantum of happiness will come later. I thought being society post holder will bring me happiness, but in reality it made my life miserable. One will never know.

"Should we stop doing anything at all? No. Bollocks. This is not a dope session. Instead we should stop thinking about happiness altogether. Quit chasing it. We've done so much in our life, are we happy today? Or are we worried about jobs, work, result, entrances and all that. Don't think about it. Just do your role. And that's it. The moment we think of 'this' will give me happiness, we run the risk of disappointment. And since we aren't gods, demi-gods or what have you, and can't control anything, we end up being disappointed. So Lesson # 1 : Fuck Happiness. That is not the goal of your life.

"Before you make me your role model, hold your panties. We all have role models and people to look up to. And we choose the best assortment - Da Vinci, Plato, Gandhi etc. And we dedicate our lives to being like them. Sometimes our role models force us to become like them. Yes, I am talking about our parents. And we find these mysterious common qualities between the role model and ourselves. And boom! It's a cosmic connection. We were meant to be like them.

"And considering we are huge in number, it is very likely that you end up being like them. I won't be surprised. But I won't be surprised either, if someone made themselves like their role model, not thinking about who they could be. Lesson # 2 : Live your own life, bro. Have your own experiences. Don't live someone else's life. For that, you have books and movies.

"But at this point, you should look at me and say -who the hell are you to tell me what to do and what not to do? You sucked up to some teacher and that's why you are giving this speech. Nothing more and nothing less. And that would be the truest thing ever! Don't believe me. Question each word I say. No one has the right to tell you how to lead your life. But that doesn't imply that you do whatever you want. Enquire.

"Before you throw your hats in to the air, think about what college was and what you learnt? Did you learn how to solve problems or did you learn how to solve issues? Did you learn how to interact with people or did you learn how to respect people? Did you think or did you follow? That's my third lesson for you - to constantly think for what you are doing? And is it creating value in anyway.

"Now is when you'll throw stones at me and yell - what the hell are we supposed to do, you idiot! We are not supposed to find happiness, we are not supposed to follow people and we are supposed to question every god damn thing! What does that leave us with?! Nothing. And that is exactly how your life should be. An accumulation of nothing. If you have nothing in your head, that is when you'll lead your life as if it were a new life. Not a life of your parents, not a happiness chase, not a chicken run - but a human experience of this world. Be nothing.

"Don't live your life as a male, as a Hindu, as a graduate or as an employee. Fulfill your duties - but don't become a routine of those duties. Don't become a monument of conditioning. I am doing this because this is how it is done. Don't do it. Try something else. If you were to do this for the first time, how would you do it? Live your life like that. Without any idea of the past. Without any thought of the present. Without any worry of the future. With nothing. 

"And that's all I have to say. Godspeed."

To J. Krishnamurti.

Song : Under Pressure -- Queen feat. David Bowie (This version is awesome!)

A Dummies Guide to An Optimistic World

“I feel the glow of your unspoken love. I am aware of the treasure that I hold…And I say to myself, It’s wonderful, wonderful – Oh So Wonderful, My Love!”

Who said Life is Shit? It’s wonderful and beautiful! You just have to look in the right place and you’ll find it. But as always, sermons are much easier to deliver than to implement in our boring lives. So what to do? Here are a few tips :

1. All’s Well That Ends Well : If at the end of the day, you are tired and lying on your bed and listening to a sad and slow song and you think to yourself, theek hai yaar zindagi (Life is okay), then that’s all you need. Getting anything on Planet Earth is not easy, except of course the scorn of other people; so if you’ve gone through lots of troubles and bad times, consider yourself natural. But if those turbulent times are over, then enjoy the sunshine and don’t fret about the ghost of troubles past. The good thing is that they are gone and done – and you are free and should be happy, until of course they come again. If in the end, you’ve nearly got what you wanted, breathe a sigh of relief. Aaram Karom, Relax Karom. Chill. 

2. Misery is Another Constant in Life : Furthering Point # 1, misery is the other constant in life. Bad times will come. We all keep wondering why isn’t our life like a fairytale, but we forget that the happily ever after ending comes, well, in the end! Before that there is a huge black spot of misery. Alice fell into a rabbit hole, changed forms and beat the Jabberwocky; Snow White battled an ugly step mother (not the fairest of ‘em all, eh?) and slept for a long time, before a necrophilist Prince Charming came along. Pinocchio was hung upside down on the branch of a tree! So don’t worry about misery – it’s going to come anyway.  Best you can do, is pull up your socks and beat the God the damn thing! Man Up (Woman up too)! Life isn’t sugar, spice and all that’s nice – there is always a Chemical X! (PPG :P)

3. The Lynchpin Theory : Oooo. This is my favourite. Sometimes what happens, happens for the best. Take for example, if I had been rewarded with one more mark in my board exams, I wouldn’t have been doing B.Com Hons, nor would’ve been in the same college, might not have even learnt debating, and finally might not be writing this post. How small things work their way up, it’s incredible. Small, insignificant things go a long way in shaping our lives and it is only in the retrospective that we realize that. If you regret doing or not doing something, then measure the full value of that regret. If you would’ve done things differently, things would also be different today. And since we don’t know if they’d be much better or much worse, spare yourself the headache. Look into the mirror and smile. It might be the silliest thing you’ll ever do, but it will go a long way in making you happy. Small Things. Big Outcomes.

4. Make it the Worst : If the above rational argumentation does not make sense to you, start imagining the worst. Don’t think that good and bad outcomes are equally likely; instead think that bad outcomes are more likely. So if you are upset that you don’t have X+5,  imagine if you ever on X-5. The level of happiness would fall tremendously na? So don’t be greedy and be a little grateful.  I mean, where else would you receive such clear and FREE analysis on how to live life. Not everyone is able to read this Blog, but you can. So be grateful about that. Now, be a dear and send in the fan mail, flowers, chocolates and cheques! Plenty is what you have!

5. SWOT Analysis : Every business from time to time does a SWOT Analysis i.e. : Strength, Weakness, Opportunities and Threats. I don’t care about the rest, but Opportunities is important. I am not of the belief that when one door closes, another one opens; in fact I think a million doors are always open. Life is full of opportunities.  There are so many things in this world.  You could be an actress and yet have half a dozen children, you could be a painter and an inventor at the same time, you could be deaf and still make Music, you can be so many things – all to your hearts’ content. So if something doesn’t work out, think about what went wrong, work on your flaws and then move on! Time is better spent on doing new and better things, than on lamenting! Look at me - from IAS to MBA to M.Com to LLB to MA Eco -only to realise in the end that I don't want to study more. Story for another day. 

6. Realistic Targets : There is a difference between Optimism and Stupidity. Optimism does not mean that you think all is well and all will be well. It's rational enough to account for deviations and abnormal events. Optimists don't feel bad about things that they don't control. It is okay to feel bad about something you could've controlled, but feeling bad about something that you couldn't have controlled is a little pushing it. Some bad things in life, no matter what you do, you cannot control (death, disease, natural calamity). If you're upset, it's okay. But don't let it become you. No matter what happens, you've got to move on and eliminate the cause of the misery. So if a natural calamity happens and you are sad, do something about it! Sometimes when I lose a debate, when I think I should've won, I just let it pass. I can't reverse the judges' decision, why make myself miserable about it. Of course, I give the judge a low score, that's my way of doing something about it :P

And that's about it. I hope these help you. They've helped me. Always remember, nothing in this world has the ability to hurt you or should have the right to make you feel miserable.Tum Bindaas raho. Broken heart, Bad marks, Bastard Boss or Bekaar Phone - nothing is more important than you. So value yourself.

To Jaya Row Ji. For being a Wonderful Guide in my life.

Song : Wonderful! Wonderful! -- Johnny Mathis

I highly recommend listening to the song. Also that's a Mentos with Chill Pill written on it. I highly recommend that too :)

P.S. : The Blog's new look has inspired me to add pictures to all new posts (as of now!). Don't worry I am not buying a DSLR/SLR for the same :P

Also, adding tags/labels to posts, so they can be categorized well. Yay!

No One Gets Left Behind

This isn't as awesome as its old cousins, but please still welcome the new template! For one, it's yellow!


This is the new dynamic view by blogger, which is supposed to be user friendly. It allows viewers to choose the way they want to view this blog. You see "Flipcard" written on the top left hand side? Take your cursor there and it'll show you other options to view this blog in; such as Classic, Timeslide et al.


From what I gather, this is still in the baby stages of Blogger. So there could be some bugs. As you can notice on the right hand side, there are no widgets. There is just a black bar which has Blogger Supported Widgets such as Bio, Blog Roll, Blogs I Follow and Subscribe. So it'll take a while for the random Shakespeare quotes to come back. Thank God for this guy (Click to Meet!), his coding helped me make the blog look better. I owe him. Thanks!


You may also notice that this blog is no longer called "Shakespeare's Jeans" . This is not something new, the blog has changed names before (From Carving a Niche to In Shakespeare's Jeans to just Shakespeare's Jeans). I changed the name, well, because I no longer felt in sync with it. Neither I am reading Shakespeare, nor writing as awesome as he did and certainly not having as much fun as he did with (or without) his Jeans! Which also means, that the random quote widget might not make a comeback.


In light of that, please also welcome "Thesaurus" . Firstly, it's miracle that I spelled it right. Secondly, don't ask me why. I am not going to tell you. You can of course, be assured that nothing is going downhill.


With that, I realise that other than the posts, everything else has changed. Accept it with open arms or take out your scorn in the revamped comments section! I am also thinking of buying my own domain-name/website, taking cue from the latest GoDaddy advertisements. In which case, the blog address might change as well and I might merge the two blogs. But that'll happen only once I have the money to buy and maintain it.


Funny, this post is called No One Gets Left Behind.


I hope you like it. If you don't, it's okay. No One Gets Left Behind.


Song : No One Gets Left Behind -- Little Miss Sunshine

What lies beyond..

So the reason why this is the second post of the year, despite the fact that half the year has already gone, is because the final year of graduation sucks. Thinking about the future sucks.


Deep down, I am scared this might be the end of the Blog. There are symptoms like single digit posts. I'd hate to see that. Imagine not being able to write. I hope it never happens :(


Yet, there are things that words can't say as much as "other" things. Lists, Post Its, Flowcharts, Highlighters, White Boards, Organizers! Language, just beautifully packed.


As I stand at the crossroads of my life (Don't you just love the drama), here is an insight into my position. Feel free to give me advice by commenting here, I will politely "try" (read : ignore) and incorporate it.


Here goes : http://debategraph.org/whatliesbeyond
(Copy the Link and paste it in the next tab of your browser)


Post Dedication : To Mom. For standing by me, always. Thank you.


Songs (Click to Listen!) : Balloon -- Lou Reed  and Somebody That I Used To Know -- Walk off the Earth


FYI, I am happy. I hope the recruiters never see this! :P


Also, Blog needs renovation. Suggestions? I am thinking Yellow.

Why Aamir Khan Should Not Apologize

Disclaimer : 
1. I am not a legal or medical expert. So if you spot any legal or medical flaw in the following piece, please do comment, so that I can incorporate the same.
2. This piece is focused on the Healthcare episode of Satyamev Jayate. It does not comment on whether or not the show should be there in the first place, but focuses on the backlash that particular episode faced from the Healthcare Professionals.

Most of you would have seen the Satyamev Jayate Episode on Healthcare aired on 27th may 2012. It dealt with the misdeeds of doctors and pharmaceutical companies, and the general lack of healthcare facilities in India. That got many people angry and a particular group of people are demanding an apology (Read Here). Here is my take.

Before answering any of the concerns that the aggrieved party have highlighted, I would like to probe if there is any basis for that episode. I know, Disclaimer # 2 says I will not probe into that, but this is brief. Medical Fraud (For the lack of another word) is not alien to us. There were genuine stories on the show that proved that yes, some doctors do cheat their patients (Click here). We've all gone to doctors to give us "medical certificates" in exchange for their "consultation" fees. One may not even see this as a violation, but the point I am trying to make is that they aren't God sent Angels and there are some black sheep. Thus, the show had a sound basis. It was made in good faith.

Someone told me, that sometimes patients are the cause of trouble. They insist on certain medications, operations, procedures etc. They read newspapers and Google diseases on the internet and demand "that" treatment. Some go to Singapore to get pre-natal sex determination. I agree, there are some idiotic patients. But that does not mean there are no cheating doctors. There is still scope for blame to be attached purely to some doctors.

But then not all doctors are hungry beasts. That is true. My family doctor is amazing, I truly love her. But did the show say that all doctors are hungry beats? In fact I remember seeing a story of a gentleman from Rajasthan  who started a chain of generic medicine chemists in alliance with the State Government. And of another gentleman who started a cardiac hospital that did operations at extremely subsidized costs. So the show wasn't an all out Nazi attack on all doctors. 

On another level, doctors are like any other profession - Politicians, Management Professionals, Policemen, Journalists, Flimstars, Writers etc. And time and again, news channels and media houses have conducted investigations and sting operations on them. We are all okay with stories that show them in bad light - some bank executive that pulled a multi-crore scam, or R. Raju sweeping all the money out, or some land deal of a politician, or the casting couch of Flimstars. All of them are aired on TV. It does not mean that all others are bad. The truth is, that some doctors cheat on their patients and if you are to maintain consistency, then these stories of those frauds should be aired on TV. Else, there is some solid hypocrisy by the aggrieved parties, because I did not see them coming out when the others were allegedly slandered. 

Of course, simply because there is precedence for Media Houses wrecking with alleged wrongdoers' reputations, it does not mean that they should be allowed to do so in the future. But then the problem is a greater one, not limited to Aamir Khan, or Healthcare or IMA. And for the retrospective actions of a collective media, Aamir Khan should not apologize.

A common Freedom of Speech argument applies here too. The show had a plethora of reactions. Some people were crying. Some people snubbed it. Some people threatened to file a lawsuit. Some people blogged about it. So there was no universal reaction of Doctors are Devils. People did not stop going to doctors. And in the absence of direct harm caused, you cannot claim that the show producers are guilty. Even if, some people (IQ level in question), thought all doctors are rascals, then again the fault is not of the producers. It is of the viewer. Because different viewers got different messages from the same show. So what you get from the show, is accountable to you. Not to the makers of the show.

The worst the show could've done is created a trust deficit between Doctors and Patients. And as much as I believe that Faith in your doctor is important for healing, I think that in a situation where you have cheating docs in the pool, such an attitude can only save you. Doctors and Patients enjoy a very fiduciary relationship. And some doctors have taken advantage of that. In a situation, where you cannot trust the doctor (because he isn't your family doctor, or is a new one), it is always better to be vary. Take second opinions. I am 20 years old and I go to a Child Specialist for treatment, because she's treated me since I was 0. I trust her fully. But it does not mean I extend that trust to every doctor.

Another idea that circulated through Social Networking websites was that Doctors spend large amounts of time studying and doing rural internships. Yes, they are very hardworking. Does not give them a licence to cheat. Or to escape slander when they cheat. The show said they should be charitable. Now that's just pushing it. Like I said, they are like any other profession and thus are allowed to make lots of money. From what I know, there is no cap on consultation fees. But, if you make money at the cost of someone else, you are liable for Consumer Court action, like any other profession. As for the rural internships, maybe its time we extend the same to lawyers, engineers, MBAs etc or scarp it altogether. Hypocrisy is not nice. 

Even though the charitable remark is incorrect, an apology is still not in order. That's not defamation. If I have to make a show on some doctors committing wrong actions, and I cannot name the doctors, because the matter is sub judice, what am I to call doctors other than doctors. The underlining idea was talking about "bad" guys.

One thing I'd like to say very much. Please do not bring Aamir Khan, his salary, his illegitimate children or his brother into this. A college going student of Logic would tell you that it is called an ad hominem fallcy. It's as bad as saying Jimi Hendrix died of drug overdose, so his music is useless (From Wikipedia). You should look for merit and demerits in what he is saying and not merits and demerits in him. If he says doctors should be charitable, look for merits and demerits in that, and not "He's not charitable, he is asking 3 crores, so I will not be charitable!" You do your bit.

Just two more things, be patient. Everyone knows that there are some bad doctors. And they shouldn't really be doing the bad things. Maybe they are pressured by inflation and rising family demands, but the brunt of that cannot be borne by the life of a patient. My personal belief is that when they asked for that apology, they sent out the message that No, all doctors are very fine. So what they ended up doing was, putting up this huge cloak on the bad ones. Well in fact what they should've been doing was developing a mechanism to weed out the bad ones. We can't continue like this - his fault, your fault, you apologize. There is no difference between the politicians we so dislike and this. There are some bad people, we don't want to cover them. Must "do" something.

Finally. Doctors are special people. Some even treat them like God. And that is perhaps more of an occupational hazard, than a compliment. It puts them in sticky situations with moral dilemmas and confusions. People expect charitable behaviour from everyone (except themselves), and more so from doctors. That is unfair and incorrect. So when they aren't charitable, it hurts a little. But that's manageable - people get charity rejections all the time. But expecting ethical behaviour is important. And when that gets breached it hurts a lot. And that is not specific to doctors. When you violate your ethics, other people get hurt. So if you have a standard to expect of others, apply that to yourself. But, in a case they falter on their ethics, does not mean you give up yours.

After this, I don't think an apology is needed. But of course,

Truth alone Triumphs.

Fit Hai Boss

In the great scheme of things called life, there are things that you wished didn't exist, didn't breathe and didn't move around like blobs of flesh. But unfortunately they do. You think they don't fit, but they fit. They force their way in, like the Aunty in metro who'd ask everyone to budge, so she can get a seat. You can cry, you can shout, you can run, you can hide but they will not. Par hai kaun yeh namune?


1. Free ki Advice Wale : 


"Yeh appko shorts nahi pehni chaiye, yeh humara culture nahi hai" 
"Aap MBA mat karo, India mai bahut MBA hai. Humare ghar mai bhi ek MBA hai" 
"Rohan, tu na mere saath reh ek hafta, I will transform you"
"Aap na Noida mai invest karo, 10 times price badhenge"


The worst of the lot. My way of life is perfect, and you should know it. Even if you haven't asked for it. I am big, you're small. I am right, you're wrong. Please don't oblige me. I don't want to know what you think. I don't want to know how you lead your life and how you'd love it, if I did too. I know you have this inner desire to reform the world, but maybe, just maybe, your style might not suit everyone. My friend Ganesh tells me that even Nirmal Baba takes a fee when he gives invaluable advice on how to change your life and remove all obstacles; it would be extremely unfair if you were to give free advice. Please don't. This is also free ki advice. Don't like it? Stop Reading. But don't force it. Yeh achi baat nahi hai....




2. Mai Bhagwaan Hoon :


"You kids take things way too seriously. Don't mix morals with economics"
"Are you telling me that we live in a Marxist Classless Utopia sans any Hierarchy? Is your view so myopic and distorted? Ever see from the broad prisms of reality?"
"Are you telling me that my experiences are useless? This is not a debate"
"It's all your fault!"


I change my mind. These are the worst. They think they know it all. And they know it better than you. So they'll either use the big words (Marxistgwshdfirktljgyhjtghygykjhbmnxbgvzs) or the strong words (Thou shalt obey your elders) or they'll just get angry and use the condescending tone. Aap mahan hoon. I humbly submit to your broad prism of world view and the infinite scope of your knowledge base and the ever so friendly attitude that you have. I wish I was you. I am sure you secretly think, that everyone secretly thinks of being like you. Just one thing. "You kids should GROW UP."




3. Girls Love Me :
"Meri life na ek ladki ne barbaad kardi"
"Main 3 girls ko saath mai date kar raha hoon"
"Mujhe na har hafte 3 proposals aate hai ladkiyon se"
"Black tints sahi lag rahe hai na car pe"


The Greek God. Oh so beautiful. They never leave any opportunity to look into the mirror, gaze for a minute and then say to themselves --"Yaar, I am a stud." They think they have looks that kill. They have the right accessories -- Axe Deodrant, Wildstone Soap, Tommy Underpants, Ray Ban Glasses, White Car, Chain, Red Shoes et al. They have the perefct facebook pictures, capturing their manliness that girls go so crazy about! They are the John Abhram of your life. And I bet you, in the shower they've already rehearsed their Grasim Mr. India Speech. Wow, I know a celebrity!




4. Ghisssu :
"Yaar exams aa rahe hai, I have to study for 13 hours"
"Yaar tune yeh kiya hai, nahi, maine bhi nahi kiya"
"Question Paper was very simple"
"Dr. ABC, BCom, MCom, LLB, MBA, MPhil, PHD, CA"


Aapko toh sabh pata hai. Why don't you figure this one out as well? Use your math models, psychoanalysis, pattern graph etc. to estimate what exactly I am thinking. So simple na? First in class, First on the bench, First to get placed, First to have the teacher's number; you must be very upset that you're last on this list? No? Oh yes, Game Theory already told you that I was going to do this. Damn John Nash. Where is your Nobel?




Bahut burai kar li. Aapki identity kya hai? Don't tell me you're a mix of two categories. Loser. Doesn't even have a personality. What a waste of life. Go fit some stereotype. Maybe then the world will see some worth in you. Fit Hai Boss. Where do I belong? Right there in your heart, guiding you unconditionally like an elder brother with the smartest skill set in the world. Nirmal Baba doesn't need a Baba.




PS : Today is a good day. Cheers.


To Sonal Kalra. Who I am trying to impress.


Song : None Of Us Are Free by Solomon Bruke and Traffic by Stereophonics




Addendum :


5. I am your friend :


"I am going to miss you Rohan, you were like a friend philosopher and guide to me. Before we part, lets click a picture together?"


No. No. And No.